MY LIFE

I must say that I am a very lucky person for being the brother to my three sisters and the son to my parents. My mother, who died almost four years ago, accepted me as I am. My sisters, who used to tease me gay, are very supportive of me. My father, who once was against my sexual preference, has finally recognized me after being a "STRENGTH" to my entire family.

No one has ever thought I am a gay because I don't act one. I don't act one not because I fear the critical eyes of the public but simply because it's what I want myself to be. I am 25 years old and have had 4 official boyfriends. I was 18 when got involved with an 11-years-older-than-me guy. He was very kind and caring. Our relationship, however, petered after 10 months. It didn't work well. It was probably because we were too far from each other. I was a student at UP Los Banos while he was working in Antipolo. It could already be considered a long distance relationship given the fact that I was stuck in Los Banos and who was only dependent on my allowance for a living. I planned to transfer to UP Diliman the following school year which my bestfriend vocally opposed. He didn't want me to leave him. I started working on documents. It didn't push through, however, when we broke up. It was a good decision to stay in Los Banos.

Our separation debilitated me. I couldn't focus, eat, etc. But I made it to survive. Three months later I found a new love. It didn't turn out well. My movements were very restrained because I was merely a student. He was the first guy I introduced to my family. When I came to know him, he just freshly escaped an unsuccessful. Either of us was still in love with our ex's. We counted a few months until we were both accustomed to each other. He was more than 4 years older than me. He, however, had no time for me. He was broke when I got to know him and he really wanted to be somebody. When he got a job, he became very succeessful and his career skyrocketed. Then in December 2005, I gave up on him after 7 months of relationship. I knew it would not move up any further. I was again brokenhearted.

A couple of month later,  I met another guy on the net. He just broke up with a girl which means he was vulnerable. He allowed me to enter his life even though he was a straight guy. He welcomed me to his life. He was so adorable, good-looking, caring and crazy about me (at that time). I was so proud of him. I was still a junior student in college while he was working for Jollibee in Imus at the same time he was a student. I was in bliss. It was a dream come true to have someone as nice as him. Our relationship lasted for 2 years and 11 months; thus we had lots of memories together.


TO BE CONTINUED...

Hollywood Cinema

Granting my request, my friend accompanied me to Hollywood Cinema. It is very easy to locate the place using your sense of sight and smell. With your visual perception, you can read its name because it is just next to Hollywood restaurant and bar. With your olfactory perception, you can smell the distinctly foul odor emanating from the cinema. Perhaps, the odor is created from the mixture of molds and oldness of the place. Human bodily fluids and odor probably play a role too. The cinema is on the left side of Dilson Cinema.

When you enter the premise of the the cinema from the walkway of the people passing by, you will see the ticket booth on the left. The fee is 75 pesos as per posting date. You need to surrender the ticket to the guard who is stationed just about 10 feet away adjacent to the window. The cinema has two floors. It resembles very similar to Bravo Theater but a smaller version. The door to the big screen (orchestra) faces the main entrance uninterrupted. The only stairs to take you to the second floor is situated outside the door to the first floor. Compared to Bravo Theater, however, the stairs on the second floor to the actual entry to the balcony is very steep and poorly lit. Be extra-careful until your eyes become adapted.

When my friend and I entered the orchestra, we were welcomed by different callboys. This cinema is certified to be a house of callboys. One of the callboys asked my friend what kind of fun he was looking for exactly. I could not see their faces clearly but I surmise that some have got the looks. They don't have any hesitation to offer their service making a pimp insignificant. Their rate varies from 100 to 800 or even a thousand. Both of us were not there for sex but just to observe what it's got to offer, so we turned down the callboys. My friend put his hands on my shoulder to insinuate that we were not interested in any of them. A mature callboy, then, began teasing the two of us. He was irritating but we couldn't tell him to knock off. It was his turf. There were many people inside doing their thing although it was not so many as in Bravo and Dilson.

Meanwhile the second floor was meagerly frequented. Usually, those who go to this part of the cinema are just for the trip or unpaid sex.

Wanted: Good Quality Call Boy

There are many call boys in the Philippines even though it is illegal. They don't pay tax. Hahaha! Anyway, what is the ideal call boy? What are the characteristics that most callboy seekers want? I asked some people who are willing to pay for the following characteristics:

1. Looks. Good look turns on anyone. Everyone wants to be associated with a good-looking person. But of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
2. Nice build. Who is not attracted to someone who has a sexy build? It's really a plus factor if the person you're having sex with has a flat tummy, strong arms, and chiseled chest. The word sexy though is subjective. There are people who think that having fats around the waist is sexy.
3. Huge dick. Having a huge dick can make you standout. Whoa! I once had a chat with call boy seekers and they were talking about sizes. One said that his biggest turn on is the dick size. Give him 3 good-looking guys with average sized dildo, and he would decline them and choose a not so good-looking guy but with satisfying dildo.
4. Good sucker. Who doesn't to be sucked? Not all call boys are willing to give a BJ. But every call boy must learn to be more marketable. It's not fair that you get paid for getting sucked. You reached your orgasm and yet you are paid for that.
5. Good fucker. If you can make your girlfriend or boyfriend satisfied in bed, why not earn from it? A call boy must understand that it's the customer's satisfaction that he must focus on. Take your customer to heaven and you probably get an extra tip.
6. Open to get fucked. A call boy who is open to getting fucked is so elusive or has a higher talent fee. They do not like it because it's no longer a man thing. But every man has a tag price. A tag price for his face, body, dick, mouth and ass.
7. Good hygiene. Nothing beats good hygiene. If you have a good hygiene it will manifest in you and that is what customers are looking after.

Some claim that call boys will eventually find themselves paying for a call boy. I am sure there are some of you who will agree on this. I know someone from Dilson Theater who used to be a call boy. He's a nice and kind person. He used to take me to Vista but I refused to ask him money. I find it unfair that I enjoyed what he did to me which was pure BJ and yet he would pay for it.

HIV Case: An Alarming Case in the Philippines

According to the most recent announcement of the Department of Health, five people get infected each day in the country. New carriers are usually men who belong to very young age bracket. Despite the awareness campaigns by the government, the transmission of HIV through unprotected sex is rapidly increasing among men who have sexual contacts with the same sex.

As a man who engages in sex with another man, I know exactly how tempting it is to indulge in unprotected sex. Sex is difficult to refuse especially with someone that looks so pleasing to the eyes. Sometimes when you go to the mall, you come across a person that you find so attractive and this person shows interest in you too. He is like a mouth-watering chocolate that is so irresistible. He looks neat, clean and healthy. He is an opportunity that knocks (you) once. Your initial plan to shop is diverted to a pleasurable sex -- more memorable purpose on that day. Since it is unexpected, there is no time to buy a condom and you tell yourself "I will use a condom next time."

We are all aware that an HIV carrier has no single face. He can be a professional in coat and tie, a seemingly neat guy with bulky biceps, etc.  There is no physical manifestation unless the severity of the carrier's condition is already at advanced stage. I just wish there was an IPhone application that serves as an indicator to determine whether a guy is HIV+ or not when you take a picture of him.

Anyways, we should always be prepared for any unanticipated sexual offer. If you think that you tend to stumble upon someone you met on the bus or train, at church or school, at the mall or anywhere, keeping a condom in your wallet is a must. If you have a very active promiscuous lifestyle or you have multiple sexual partners and not being able to practice protected sex, you better undergo blood test for HIV. You have to have a sense of responsibility to yourself and to others.

Sympathy for the victims of HIV.

Picture Source

GAY: a derogatory term

What are the attributing factors for one to be considered as a gay?

Many guys in the Philippines who voluntarily engage in homosexual activities (man to man partnership and sex) hate to be regarded as gays due to connotations associated with the term. Being called or teased as gay is offensive and derisive as though one is considered as a mediocre being. A picture of a gay is usually viewed as someone who is a transvestite or a cross-dresser, usually working as hairdressers and wanting to be transformed into a woman. This is the reason those guys create names or labels in order to euphemise the term gay or to evade being labeled as gay.

The term Bi or Bisexual characterizes a guy who exhibits musculine behavior. He acts perfectly like a straight man but his sexual preference is with the same sex which is the sole distinguishing factor. He can also be someone who is interested in either a man or a woman. "Chicboy" is now connoted as someone who can be either be with a chic or a girl and with a boy.

Some guys call themselves "pure top" which is derived from the category "top" in the homosexual realm. Top is the one who prefers penetrating another guy. It is the opposite of "bottom" who prefers being penetrated. Versatile top or versa top is someone who is willing to subject himself to be fucked on given conditions but his natural inclination is to fuck. Meanwhile, versatile bottom or versa bottom is someone who is willing to fuck someone on given conditions but his natural inclination is to get fucked. Pure top is someone who's role in sex is limited to fucking and kissing only without touching his sex partner's vital parts and certainly no giving of blowjob on his part.

Some guys even hide in the shadow of a "tripper." Those who regard themselves as trippers believe that they are actually straight guys who "simply" want to have a "trip" with another guy for a change. An example is a ""married tripper." He is married to a woman but wants to try sex with guy.

Those terms or labels merely serve as disguise. The Philippines is a patriarchal nation; thus, a man is expected to act and behave like a conventional man. If he moves away from the norm, he is considered gay and will receive countless disparagement.

Then what could be the term that defines a guy who is attracted to and wants to have a sexual experience with the same sex but in a way not considered as gays? Perhaps, the term "interested in male" can be used to differentiate him from a straight guy. It encompassess all varieties of gays. However, it is still not adequate enough to exclude guys who are willing to subject themselves to a homosexual act on condition of money or those who are victims of forced sex with or raped by another man prevalent in prisons.

The truth is recognizing oneself as gay or "interested in male" is an intrapersonal agreement. It is not the business of other people to make him realize that he is gay. It, however, is important that a person understands his sexual preference in order to know himself better.

My Days at Liana's Cinema, Alabang

Actually, Liana's cinema is the first "cinema" that I've visited. It is because most of the movies are for general patronage. I was only 16 years old when I entered it for the first time. It is a huge cinema but only a few people go there -- about 10 to 15 people at a time, except when there is a hit movie being shown like Harry Potter and during Philippine Movie Festival in December. The air-conditioner is set at a good temperature.

I have been to the cinema for several time. Damn! I used to go to the cinema whenever I was bored, feeling lonely and sad, and was in heat. But usually it was when I feel lonely. Liana's has many 4 theaters that show different movies of course. But the same thing happens inside and the same type of people frequents the place.

I received a very delirious blowjob. On the seat with my pants or shorts and underwear pulled down and my hands tucked at the back of head, I would let a guy play with the body. He would lick my nipples which gave a heavenly sensation. His lips would slowly crawl down to my navel, stay at it for a short while and crawl again down to my scrotum. His tongue would play with my balls in a circular motion. Sometimes he would have my entire scrotum inside his mouth. It would give me shiver that I would release a moan of intense sexual bliss. His mouth finally would climb up to my tube and begin pumping it. Still without the help of my hand, I would ejaculate about 4 times or even more. The mouth of my slave would be filled with my juice but he would not let go until I am through with the final drop. He would spit it on the floor. He would whisper at my ears and say "you came a lot." I would feel a little bit uneasy afterwards.

I've lost count of how many times I've gone to the cinema and left sexually satisfied. I was young and yet I was too adventurous. Another unforgettable experience I had was the first time I touched someone else's dick. I've always tempted to touch but I refused due to my principle. I encountered a guy who was at my age back then. He really wanted me to touch his dick but I rejected his plea. Until he exposed his dick to me. It was so big -- huge. I watched him as he played with it. It was so teasing. I could clearly see the curves of his dick. The head was so huge that the crevice was so pronounced. He took my hand and put it on top of his huge dick. It was warm. The warmth was scorchingly tempting. After a few minutes, I was finally relaxed. I gradually examine the shape of his dick. My fingers touched the deep crevices and the large vein. My brain was telling me I liked it. My fingered crept to his scrotum. I slowly lifted -- it was heavy. Unsatisfied I used both hands to feel his manliness. I felt like I wanted so succumb to it. It was as though I wanted to serve that thing forever. I wanted to be enslaved by it.

But he said he was about to come. I hold his penis and began to jiggle it. The huge vein was touching my palm. It was damn good. What more if it was my tongue? But I couldn't. He wanted me to suck it by I objected. Until now I still could not give bj to a stranger. The moment has come for him to ejaculate. And it  hinted the end of the pleasurable moment.

That night I couldn't help myself from being preoccupied by the thought of holding a stranger's dick. I told myself I would certainly gratify myself with it again.

When My Ass Gave In

19 July 2009

I am a bottom gay, which means I prefer to be fucked than to fuck. As a bottom gay, my fear is that oneday I am going to see little flesh inside my asshole come out of the orifice that resembles a crown on top of the head. I don’t want that day to come, although I know that the only way for this day never to come is to refrain from getting fucked again which will be contrary to my position in sex.

I recently had a one-night stand with a stranger. I allowed him to fuck me. He was the eleventh guy who chanced my ass. He was not a gentle sex partner. And I didn’t know if he truly knows how to fuck. I smeared cooking oil all over his dick and on my ass. Then he ventured to penetrate my ass. He tried to thrust but it was actually the spot between my asshole and my testicles his dick was pointing to. He carelessly move d his glans penis downwards under my instruction toward the right spot. The friction it was creating  upon rubbing on my skin as it moved downward was like a knife slicing my skin. I told him he was hurting me. I was expecting that he would move his body a little backwards to check on the hole or fumble on the hole so the next time he would thrust it would be into the hole. But he kept on pushing until the head of his dick finally reached my asshole, yet it was not the proper way of doing it since he used solely his dick to find my asshole from the incorrect position between my testicles and the asshole. It really hurt excruciatingly on my part as his dick finally got into the hole. I stopped him and pushed him away. I contorted my body as I tried to battle the pain to alleviate it. It was like the first time I got fucked. At that instance, I was already thinking that it might cause the skin in my asshole to swell. I was still full of lust however.  After a few minutes, the pain became tolerable. Then we started again. This time, I guided his dick to my asshole after applying some more lubricant. I told him to begin thrusting.  A minute did not pass when he said he was about to come. I requested him to delay it a little longer so I could enjoy it. But he couldn’t help it at all. He came inside my ass. To my disappointment, I said to him not to pull it out yet and wait for me until I came as well. At last, I have come. A lot of semen spewed out and scattered on my tummy, chest, neck and even on my chin. That was the end of our sex adventure that night.

In the morning, I could feel there was something wrong about my ass. There was still a pain. It was a tolerable pain since I could just ignore it. Yet, every time my attention focused on it and ponder on what had happened a night before, I could feel the little pain in my ass. In my mind, I knew there must be a laceration and the pain I was feeling was indicative of a wound – worst it could be the thing that I am fearing as a bottom gay. I checked my ass in the mirror. I took the narrow, rectangular mirror hanging on the wall, laid it on the floor; then I positioned myself front of it with both legs spread on the sides of the mirror. I used a small flashlight to investigate my asshole. I was startled to see that there was a reddish flesh on the perimeter of the orifice that must  be belonging to the inside part of my hole as it didn’t match the rest of the flesh in colour surrounding the asshole. I felt horrible. I touched it with my finger. It hurt. It was like a burning pain I feel when I rub my skin vigorously against my palm until it gets red.

 I don’t feel normal anymore.