19 July 2009
I am a bottom gay, which means I prefer to be fucked than to fuck. As a bottom gay, my fear is that oneday I am going to see little flesh inside my asshole come out of the orifice that resembles a crown on top of the head. I don’t want that day to come, although I know that the only way for this day never to come is to refrain from getting fucked again which will be contrary to my position in sex.
I recently had a one-night stand with a stranger. I allowed him to fuck me. He was the eleventh guy who chanced my ass. He was not a gentle sex partner. And I didn’t know if he truly knows how to fuck. I smeared cooking oil all over his dick and on my ass. Then he ventured to penetrate my ass. He tried to thrust but it was actually the spot between my asshole and my testicles his dick was pointing to. He carelessly move d his glans penis downwards under my instruction toward the right spot. The friction it was creating upon rubbing on my skin as it moved downward was like a knife slicing my skin. I told him he was hurting me. I was expecting that he would move his body a little backwards to check on the hole or fumble on the hole so the next time he would thrust it would be into the hole. But he kept on pushing until the head of his dick finally reached my asshole, yet it was not the proper way of doing it since he used solely his dick to find my asshole from the incorrect position between my testicles and the asshole. It really hurt excruciatingly on my part as his dick finally got into the hole. I stopped him and pushed him away. I contorted my body as I tried to battle the pain to alleviate it. It was like the first time I got fucked. At that instance, I was already thinking that it might cause the skin in my asshole to swell. I was still full of lust however. After a few minutes, the pain became tolerable. Then we started again. This time, I guided his dick to my asshole after applying some more lubricant. I told him to begin thrusting. A minute did not pass when he said he was about to come. I requested him to delay it a little longer so I could enjoy it. But he couldn’t help it at all. He came inside my ass. To my disappointment, I said to him not to pull it out yet and wait for me until I came as well. At last, I have come. A lot of semen spewed out and scattered on my tummy, chest, neck and even on my chin. That was the end of our sex adventure that night.
In the morning, I could feel there was something wrong about my ass. There was still a pain. It was a tolerable pain since I could just ignore it. Yet, every time my attention focused on it and ponder on what had happened a night before, I could feel the little pain in my ass. In my mind, I knew there must be a laceration and the pain I was feeling was indicative of a wound – worst it could be the thing that I am fearing as a bottom gay. I checked my ass in the mirror. I took the narrow, rectangular mirror hanging on the wall, laid it on the floor; then I positioned myself front of it with both legs spread on the sides of the mirror. I used a small flashlight to investigate my asshole. I was startled to see that there was a reddish flesh on the perimeter of the orifice that must be belonging to the inside part of my hole as it didn’t match the rest of the flesh in colour surrounding the asshole. I felt horrible. I touched it with my finger. It hurt. It was like a burning pain I feel when I rub my skin vigorously against my palm until it gets red.
I don’t feel normal anymore.